Shiloh, thanks for checking in. For me, it has been a challenging couple weeks. First of all, I have done 1 post in my journal. Not so good. Then, on 1/24 I started a 30 week commitment to a Kaiser Health Weight Mgmt. program. I am drinking shakes, a soup and 2 bars that I buy from the program daily. Plus a lot of water. This is a huge change in my life obviously, eating nothing else. Then on top of that I got Covid! So, I'm on day 10 of the program and day 9 with Covid. Not a great combo! My painting, that I started I look at daily, it just sits there. I'm too shaky to attempt to paint. But, I am full-on dedicated to have this amazing Temple program coincide with my weight loss program. It's the Yin and the Yang, the sacrifice with the reward. I love your daily transmissions, thank you for all that you have and will continue to teach me/us. My self awareness of my body has started, and will only continue to get better in the next couple months.
My word of the year is practice. I love this word as it reminds me that it’s all a work in progress. I am paying attention to things, doing heart coherence daily and spending more quality time with my vulva… learned some things 😘. I love my Temple painting so much. It’s my teen self, when I was most awake in my physical body. I’ve been having dreams about these times 🥰. I had a chance to practice creating from a place of discomfort last week. I had a weird headache all week but I still went to the studio and am happy to report that all the magic I usually get showed up. It was great to experience joy even thought I was in pain. It was important. Thanks Shiloh for the space to reflect
I am in this totally with you, hoping your good health will quickly return. I feel like I am living on a parallel plane connected to SiStars with conversations strands...Red Threads... yet alone and wondering on a new route not sure where I am. I am more connected to my body but can't seem to manage the fast. I have tried my own variations of it but do everything else and watch as the painting keeps showing me more and more secrets. Thank you for all the efforts you put into this
I’m noticing everything! Poop, arousal, not in that order lol, my thoughts, my intentionality about everything and the blessing of choice and willingness, and courage and self love and community and painting 😉♥️🙏🏻
Where am i? One of the first things that comes to mind is that i am no longer in my story about how i got here- this is something i have worked on for quite a long time, and it feels good to know there is success in having achieved this goal. i have quite consciously let that go to be more present & available to the moment. Vipassana meditation is one way this habit has been nourished and supported. The practice has its slow times, and its rough times, yet i am getting better at staying with whatever is going on, livestreams, podcasts, conversations with others, with my dog, etc. A hot tub would be lovely in this PNW winter weather- perhaps i can arrange with a friend to use theirs on a regular basis- they are 20 minutes away without traffic, and have very busy lives, so i wonder if they would agree.
My relationship to my body is morphing from mild neglect- my diet is organic, mostly vegan, with occasional forays into the cheeses and eggs i love for added protein. i do look at my poop- i thought it was a weird habit of my own until you mentioned it- but it tells me much about how i am metabolizing my food. We are pretty good in that arena. It is sometimes a struggle to stay hydrated, even in this very wet climate where i could just walk outside and open my mouth for a few minutes and be nourished by the sky full of raindrops.
The biggest challenges are two-fold- getting enough sleep and relating to my vulva/erogenous areas. As a young woman, i had an incident where the nerve endings in that region were burned severely, and as a result, there has been a very low availability of pleasurable responsiveness for me. It hasn't kept me from having intimate relationships, but i've found even my own stimulation of that area, tender and prolonged as i might be, does little to give me what i would call arousal, much less pleasure. I have learned to live with it and take my pleasures where i find them elsewhere. The Universe always gives me what i need.....
What it doesn't give me, and what i need very much, perhaps even more than the rain on my face, is enough sleep- averaging about 3 hours nightly lately, which is an improvement over what was happening before. I know the roots of my lifelong, chronic insomnia, and have started working with someone to dissipate the hypervigilance i feel when i lie down- the irony is i can feel sleep wanting to claim me when i'm up and around doing things, but when i lie down, my mind springs awake. i have to wonder why i need this wakefulness that may be taking years off the end of my life. My body gets rest from my lying in bed, but my mind spins away. Of course, some of my best writing has evolved from these late hours of wakefulness....
Getting my 3 hours has allowed me to write and paint, tho i am behind in the work i would like to do an all the canvases. They do speak to me- we are all in a holding pattern because they have arrived out of sequence and we are still sorting out who is what and where they want to go. I have been concerned about admitting this to anyone. Part of my daily practice of getting out of my own way is to do at least one thing daily that feels very vulnerable. To that end, i have started to share some of my writing. And stating the above feels iffy to me, because the painting that is telling me she is the Guardian actually was started during the Legend class, but set aside. The one started as the Guardian in the current class has become the Constellation of Being (by Her own admission) and the one started as the Constellation of Being is just resting..... i am awaiting further instructions there.
Since i take pretty good care of my Self physically, for the most part, it has been the emotional relationships to the paintings, the writing, the exposure to the group that has been my growing edge. I appreciate the vulnerability of your messages Shiloh (and Jonathan's), as well as what the group members have shared about their own processes. It is in the group dynamic that i am allowing my Self to flower- the soil here has been a good place to plant myself for now, metaphorically. It is clean and soft and warm and nurtures in ways i have longed for. i am most grateful to you and yours for providing these sweet moments of self-reflection and support.
I am here, showing up each day, managing what I can manage. I listen to your transmissions each day and I am deeply grateful to you for them, even when, especially when they challenge me. I am journaling each day too.
What has really landed with me are the Infinity coherence meditation and the particle-wave healing meditation. I have incorporated them into my morning practice of oracle reading, conversation with Her and gentle movement work. When the weather has allowed (I live in the UK) I have done these outside, barefoot on the lawn listening to the birds. It has been deeply nourishing.
I have not caught up with the painting but am working on it when I feel able (I am recovering from being I’ll over the festive season). There are times I have loved it and times I’ve hated it, but always it has been offering me knowing and lessons.
I have become more aware of what my senses are telling me and of the voice in my head that has so long drowned my body voice out. As a result things are shifting, incrementally in places, but still noticeably. I have embraced flowers in my bathroom…why had I not done that before? They make me smile every time I walk in there. My husband and I have started clearing up and clearing out stuff in the house which has been left for lots of reason. This feels huge in a fascinating way. I haven’t been swimming in more years than I can count but I am going to deep my toes soon and have a dear friend to accompany me which will aid my commitment.
There is more, but I hope that you get the gist. Temple has been the most wonderful gift and I thank you from my heart, which is bursting with new love and life. Blessings.❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️
It’s taken me 28 days to get into my routine and make it authentic. I have more to share on this but for now, I want to share a liberating experience that just happened today.
I got swept away on an old pattern of pleasure this morning and then got super angry with myself and let out a cathartic full body fury that felt so good to express. I followed an old pattern that led me down a path of behaviors that I want to change. I know what I need/needed to do to interrupt this pattern and didn’t prepare thoroughly. I’m glad I had a tantrum and let it all out. Now, with writing and soon with painting, I’m letting it all go to shift the patterns and create new ones by painting and creating by hand, the patterns I want to take!!
I went to my Temple journal and wrote,
“The REAL ME is angry, stuck feeling disappointed in mySelf for not taking time today 1st for ME, my mental, physical, emotional + spiritual health.
My center churns w/ anger, I feel my heartbeat thump in my gut.
What can I give myself?
I choose ME first.
I choose to tend to me first.
I choose to wake myself up and motivate myself out of bed + onto my feet + into action.
I choose to sleep alone + wake up alone on my own + proceed with my day in my own way on my schedule to nourish my health + nurture my goals. I need to RISE on my own.
I choose to budget + steward my
money for me, for prosperity
time for me, for doing my GREAT WORK
resources for me, for succeeding w/ generating my LEGACY + SOUL WORK
The SACRED me ASKS and listens to my body, mind + spirit’s messages to so my SOUL WORK.
The sacred me honors my body’s messages + nourishes her w/ healthy food, water, movement, intention.
INTENTION is at the center of all my choices.
I nurture my body with loving, caring, healthy intentions
The sacred me talks to my body, mySelf as my co-pilot + best friend, lover, creatrix, artist erotic, dancer, sculptor, counselor, healer, beloved wise medicine woman
The WILD me invites the Muse to play + have fun, to create magic with light + color, water + gold dust, laughter + tears, dancing + singing, drumming + potion making,
To create this day just as I want it to be
To create this day w/ LOVE, self-forgiveness and joy.
To compost the experiences to create fertile ground for new growth + nourishment.”
This is me in real-time.
The anger has dissolved into a buzzing feeling under my ziphoid process.
Truth is, I made choices that led to the old pattern I’m changing and got mad at Colin for not questioning me, intervening, guiding me. He merrily went along with me and then when I realized what I’d done, I got mad at mySelf and him for not interrupting the process.
Here’s the pattern I’m trying to break. We went out to get goat milk for cafe (I love warm, foamy milk!) and laundry detergent. I decided on the way home, I wanted to make mole sauce and we made two more stops to get the ingredients. We had fun shopping. We held hands. We talked through the unconventional recipe. We love to cook together.
When I got home, I jumped into making hot cacao from scratch with mole seasoning (delicious seasoning made by the Teeny Tiny Spice Company) and goat milk, and unpacked the bags with Colin and realized how 2 items turned into additional purchases that we will use but don’t really need, especially with the digest reset coming up. I’d forgotten we’re already putting off the digest reset till later in the week because we want to eat up a few things first (broccoli, avocados).
We want to micromanage our money and cut back on groceries. We have a budget, the tracking tools, the incentive, but we forgot our
INTENTION.
Every day, multiple times a day, I need to remind mySelf WHY I want to make these changes. I have to read a manifesto written by hand in my words as to WHY i want to do x, y, z. I didn’t stop to read it. I told myself, “We just need milk and laundry detergent.” I feel foolish that I re-engaged with that pattern.
Colin and I are on good terms. The buzzing under my xiphoid process has shifted to a burning sensation in my gut, not stomach.
So, I’m going to start sleeping separately on my own to start my day creating new patterns of being. I feel I need space to work this out. I’m not one to blame others for my actions, and don’t want to hold Colin accountable for a habit I’m changing. I need to be here for mySelf to read my manifesto first thing every day. I need sacred solitude upon waking up to put into practice new ways of being. Sleeping in a new place alone is temporary and it’s essential to rehabilitate mySelf and reinforce my self-agency and make shift happen.
Hello, Belovéd One❣️ I have received so much healing so far from everything we have done and continue to do as we move through this unprecedented adventure together. From he first day, The fact that I joyfully and woth ease was able to draw and color an image of my vulva in my journal without feeling weird is HUMONGOUS. Like, WOW. I used to have such ease about my sexuality, my vulva, looking at it with a mirror from a very young age as a girl child of the ‘70s I had Our Bodies Ourselves and I read it countless times cover to cover. When I finally was sexual with others, I had a joy and playfulness to my experiences that felt natural and open, vulnerable. You want to roll in peanut butter and eat peeled grapes? Sure! Whatever you like, I was up for it. And then the horror started in the form of various abusive and unconscious partners. To the point where I became frozen entirely. Tonight no heat no love no nothing no interest. Through Intentional Creativity I have healed those deepest of places within myself that even a decade of weekly therapy still doesn’t touch. Through the act of healing myself with my own medicine and the support of this community and your teachings and those of all of those around me on the path I have regained that which I thought was dead and buried forever. I have been consciously feeling about things from my vulva and other parts in a way I never have. I am keeping up
With you most times and hen I slip behind and come back up to where you are again. You are always here with me in our quantum space together and I feel your presence all
Through my life and it makes it so infinitely beautiful to be living my life within this sacred IC container together. I am getting t my journal more than I have but not as much as I want to yet and am focusing on giving that to myself more daily. I am feeling a pre sense of peace and stillness and connection to our Oneness in a way that feels erotic and timeless. I love every step of this path with you and I love you deeply and endlessly, my priceless sacred cosmic red thread fluffie sister. ❤️👐❤️🌈✨🦄🥰🎨❤️❣️❣️❣️
Shiloh, thanks for checking in. For me, it has been a challenging couple weeks. First of all, I have done 1 post in my journal. Not so good. Then, on 1/24 I started a 30 week commitment to a Kaiser Health Weight Mgmt. program. I am drinking shakes, a soup and 2 bars that I buy from the program daily. Plus a lot of water. This is a huge change in my life obviously, eating nothing else. Then on top of that I got Covid! So, I'm on day 10 of the program and day 9 with Covid. Not a great combo! My painting, that I started I look at daily, it just sits there. I'm too shaky to attempt to paint. But, I am full-on dedicated to have this amazing Temple program coincide with my weight loss program. It's the Yin and the Yang, the sacrifice with the reward. I love your daily transmissions, thank you for all that you have and will continue to teach me/us. My self awareness of my body has started, and will only continue to get better in the next couple months.
My word of the year is practice. I love this word as it reminds me that it’s all a work in progress. I am paying attention to things, doing heart coherence daily and spending more quality time with my vulva… learned some things 😘. I love my Temple painting so much. It’s my teen self, when I was most awake in my physical body. I’ve been having dreams about these times 🥰. I had a chance to practice creating from a place of discomfort last week. I had a weird headache all week but I still went to the studio and am happy to report that all the magic I usually get showed up. It was great to experience joy even thought I was in pain. It was important. Thanks Shiloh for the space to reflect
I am in this totally with you, hoping your good health will quickly return. I feel like I am living on a parallel plane connected to SiStars with conversations strands...Red Threads... yet alone and wondering on a new route not sure where I am. I am more connected to my body but can't seem to manage the fast. I have tried my own variations of it but do everything else and watch as the painting keeps showing me more and more secrets. Thank you for all the efforts you put into this
I’m noticing everything! Poop, arousal, not in that order lol, my thoughts, my intentionality about everything and the blessing of choice and willingness, and courage and self love and community and painting 😉♥️🙏🏻
I’m in it with you Shiloh, not perfectly but I’m IN
Where am i? One of the first things that comes to mind is that i am no longer in my story about how i got here- this is something i have worked on for quite a long time, and it feels good to know there is success in having achieved this goal. i have quite consciously let that go to be more present & available to the moment. Vipassana meditation is one way this habit has been nourished and supported. The practice has its slow times, and its rough times, yet i am getting better at staying with whatever is going on, livestreams, podcasts, conversations with others, with my dog, etc. A hot tub would be lovely in this PNW winter weather- perhaps i can arrange with a friend to use theirs on a regular basis- they are 20 minutes away without traffic, and have very busy lives, so i wonder if they would agree.
My relationship to my body is morphing from mild neglect- my diet is organic, mostly vegan, with occasional forays into the cheeses and eggs i love for added protein. i do look at my poop- i thought it was a weird habit of my own until you mentioned it- but it tells me much about how i am metabolizing my food. We are pretty good in that arena. It is sometimes a struggle to stay hydrated, even in this very wet climate where i could just walk outside and open my mouth for a few minutes and be nourished by the sky full of raindrops.
The biggest challenges are two-fold- getting enough sleep and relating to my vulva/erogenous areas. As a young woman, i had an incident where the nerve endings in that region were burned severely, and as a result, there has been a very low availability of pleasurable responsiveness for me. It hasn't kept me from having intimate relationships, but i've found even my own stimulation of that area, tender and prolonged as i might be, does little to give me what i would call arousal, much less pleasure. I have learned to live with it and take my pleasures where i find them elsewhere. The Universe always gives me what i need.....
What it doesn't give me, and what i need very much, perhaps even more than the rain on my face, is enough sleep- averaging about 3 hours nightly lately, which is an improvement over what was happening before. I know the roots of my lifelong, chronic insomnia, and have started working with someone to dissipate the hypervigilance i feel when i lie down- the irony is i can feel sleep wanting to claim me when i'm up and around doing things, but when i lie down, my mind springs awake. i have to wonder why i need this wakefulness that may be taking years off the end of my life. My body gets rest from my lying in bed, but my mind spins away. Of course, some of my best writing has evolved from these late hours of wakefulness....
Getting my 3 hours has allowed me to write and paint, tho i am behind in the work i would like to do an all the canvases. They do speak to me- we are all in a holding pattern because they have arrived out of sequence and we are still sorting out who is what and where they want to go. I have been concerned about admitting this to anyone. Part of my daily practice of getting out of my own way is to do at least one thing daily that feels very vulnerable. To that end, i have started to share some of my writing. And stating the above feels iffy to me, because the painting that is telling me she is the Guardian actually was started during the Legend class, but set aside. The one started as the Guardian in the current class has become the Constellation of Being (by Her own admission) and the one started as the Constellation of Being is just resting..... i am awaiting further instructions there.
Since i take pretty good care of my Self physically, for the most part, it has been the emotional relationships to the paintings, the writing, the exposure to the group that has been my growing edge. I appreciate the vulnerability of your messages Shiloh (and Jonathan's), as well as what the group members have shared about their own processes. It is in the group dynamic that i am allowing my Self to flower- the soil here has been a good place to plant myself for now, metaphorically. It is clean and soft and warm and nurtures in ways i have longed for. i am most grateful to you and yours for providing these sweet moments of self-reflection and support.
I am here, showing up each day, managing what I can manage. I listen to your transmissions each day and I am deeply grateful to you for them, even when, especially when they challenge me. I am journaling each day too.
What has really landed with me are the Infinity coherence meditation and the particle-wave healing meditation. I have incorporated them into my morning practice of oracle reading, conversation with Her and gentle movement work. When the weather has allowed (I live in the UK) I have done these outside, barefoot on the lawn listening to the birds. It has been deeply nourishing.
I have not caught up with the painting but am working on it when I feel able (I am recovering from being I’ll over the festive season). There are times I have loved it and times I’ve hated it, but always it has been offering me knowing and lessons.
I have become more aware of what my senses are telling me and of the voice in my head that has so long drowned my body voice out. As a result things are shifting, incrementally in places, but still noticeably. I have embraced flowers in my bathroom…why had I not done that before? They make me smile every time I walk in there. My husband and I have started clearing up and clearing out stuff in the house which has been left for lots of reason. This feels huge in a fascinating way. I haven’t been swimming in more years than I can count but I am going to deep my toes soon and have a dear friend to accompany me which will aid my commitment.
There is more, but I hope that you get the gist. Temple has been the most wonderful gift and I thank you from my heart, which is bursting with new love and life. Blessings.❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️
Dear Shiloh,
It’s taken me 28 days to get into my routine and make it authentic. I have more to share on this but for now, I want to share a liberating experience that just happened today.
I got swept away on an old pattern of pleasure this morning and then got super angry with myself and let out a cathartic full body fury that felt so good to express. I followed an old pattern that led me down a path of behaviors that I want to change. I know what I need/needed to do to interrupt this pattern and didn’t prepare thoroughly. I’m glad I had a tantrum and let it all out. Now, with writing and soon with painting, I’m letting it all go to shift the patterns and create new ones by painting and creating by hand, the patterns I want to take!!
I went to my Temple journal and wrote,
“The REAL ME is angry, stuck feeling disappointed in mySelf for not taking time today 1st for ME, my mental, physical, emotional + spiritual health.
My center churns w/ anger, I feel my heartbeat thump in my gut.
What can I give myself?
I choose ME first.
I choose to tend to me first.
I choose to wake myself up and motivate myself out of bed + onto my feet + into action.
I choose to sleep alone + wake up alone on my own + proceed with my day in my own way on my schedule to nourish my health + nurture my goals. I need to RISE on my own.
I choose to budget + steward my
money for me, for prosperity
time for me, for doing my GREAT WORK
resources for me, for succeeding w/ generating my LEGACY + SOUL WORK
The SACRED me ASKS and listens to my body, mind + spirit’s messages to so my SOUL WORK.
The sacred me honors my body’s messages + nourishes her w/ healthy food, water, movement, intention.
INTENTION is at the center of all my choices.
I nurture my body with loving, caring, healthy intentions
The sacred me talks to my body, mySelf as my co-pilot + best friend, lover, creatrix, artist erotic, dancer, sculptor, counselor, healer, beloved wise medicine woman
The WILD me invites the Muse to play + have fun, to create magic with light + color, water + gold dust, laughter + tears, dancing + singing, drumming + potion making,
To create this day just as I want it to be
To create this day w/ LOVE, self-forgiveness and joy.
To compost the experiences to create fertile ground for new growth + nourishment.”
This is me in real-time.
The anger has dissolved into a buzzing feeling under my ziphoid process.
Truth is, I made choices that led to the old pattern I’m changing and got mad at Colin for not questioning me, intervening, guiding me. He merrily went along with me and then when I realized what I’d done, I got mad at mySelf and him for not interrupting the process.
Here’s the pattern I’m trying to break. We went out to get goat milk for cafe (I love warm, foamy milk!) and laundry detergent. I decided on the way home, I wanted to make mole sauce and we made two more stops to get the ingredients. We had fun shopping. We held hands. We talked through the unconventional recipe. We love to cook together.
When I got home, I jumped into making hot cacao from scratch with mole seasoning (delicious seasoning made by the Teeny Tiny Spice Company) and goat milk, and unpacked the bags with Colin and realized how 2 items turned into additional purchases that we will use but don’t really need, especially with the digest reset coming up. I’d forgotten we’re already putting off the digest reset till later in the week because we want to eat up a few things first (broccoli, avocados).
We want to micromanage our money and cut back on groceries. We have a budget, the tracking tools, the incentive, but we forgot our
INTENTION.
Every day, multiple times a day, I need to remind mySelf WHY I want to make these changes. I have to read a manifesto written by hand in my words as to WHY i want to do x, y, z. I didn’t stop to read it. I told myself, “We just need milk and laundry detergent.” I feel foolish that I re-engaged with that pattern.
Colin and I are on good terms. The buzzing under my xiphoid process has shifted to a burning sensation in my gut, not stomach.
So, I’m going to start sleeping separately on my own to start my day creating new patterns of being. I feel I need space to work this out. I’m not one to blame others for my actions, and don’t want to hold Colin accountable for a habit I’m changing. I need to be here for mySelf to read my manifesto first thing every day. I need sacred solitude upon waking up to put into practice new ways of being. Sleeping in a new place alone is temporary and it’s essential to rehabilitate mySelf and reinforce my self-agency and make shift happen.
Amen!! So be it and so it is!! 🙏🏼🧶💖
Haven’t done my fast yet but planning on it! This whole thing is raising my awareness overall
I’m showing up where and when I can. I’m as IN as I can be without stressing and blame and shame. I’m honouring that.
Hello, Belovéd One❣️ I have received so much healing so far from everything we have done and continue to do as we move through this unprecedented adventure together. From he first day, The fact that I joyfully and woth ease was able to draw and color an image of my vulva in my journal without feeling weird is HUMONGOUS. Like, WOW. I used to have such ease about my sexuality, my vulva, looking at it with a mirror from a very young age as a girl child of the ‘70s I had Our Bodies Ourselves and I read it countless times cover to cover. When I finally was sexual with others, I had a joy and playfulness to my experiences that felt natural and open, vulnerable. You want to roll in peanut butter and eat peeled grapes? Sure! Whatever you like, I was up for it. And then the horror started in the form of various abusive and unconscious partners. To the point where I became frozen entirely. Tonight no heat no love no nothing no interest. Through Intentional Creativity I have healed those deepest of places within myself that even a decade of weekly therapy still doesn’t touch. Through the act of healing myself with my own medicine and the support of this community and your teachings and those of all of those around me on the path I have regained that which I thought was dead and buried forever. I have been consciously feeling about things from my vulva and other parts in a way I never have. I am keeping up
With you most times and hen I slip behind and come back up to where you are again. You are always here with me in our quantum space together and I feel your presence all
Through my life and it makes it so infinitely beautiful to be living my life within this sacred IC container together. I am getting t my journal more than I have but not as much as I want to yet and am focusing on giving that to myself more daily. I am feeling a pre sense of peace and stillness and connection to our Oneness in a way that feels erotic and timeless. I love every step of this path with you and I love you deeply and endlessly, my priceless sacred cosmic red thread fluffie sister. ❤️👐❤️🌈✨🦄🥰🎨❤️❣️❣️❣️