I find myself today at a dazzling and devastating threshold. And it begins with reverence for my mother. I’ve never met anyone with as refined of intelligence as my mother Caron.
There are so many days I want to speak with someone and converse who has the level of insight, intel, and information and perspective. You’ve had this before, right, where you were in deep communion with people that you may no longer be in communion with. And you feel that craving for that depth. I tried to learn her mind and heart and hands so that I could bring what she brought to others. Sometimes I do.
I know she’s here in the ancestral space and that her wisdom is still available to me. And of course, it’s not the same. She was not only my biggest fan and collaborator, she encouraged me to develop my own intuitive gifts and to see my spiritual access as something to be honored.
Mama…she just saw me and that is part of what helped me see others and want to be with others and also invite them to see themselves. Honestly, it also helped me not need to be seen to be validated, because I was seen enough, by her. And I know that’s rare.
I feel lonely without her today.
I want my mother.
And I know those of you who have relatives that you adore, who have walked into the future, the holidays brings it all up, right? It’s such grace and such grief, however you celebrate. So I’m also thinking of you. With all that’s going on in the world right now, I mean gold ships with a man’s face on them. I just... I don’t even know what to say. But I know she’d be able to talk about it with me in an intelligent discourse and with humor and offer perspective and framing on what it means and how to be, and even political, economic, spiritual, and even end times and what it means in the context of the long, boring arc of devastating... patriarchal influence.
Speaking of devastating, yes, I’m at a dazzling and devastating threshold, a real crossroads in this lifetime. When I look at the energy, it looks like lightning sparks off an edge. I’ve never felt like I do right now.
Hmm, maybe the midlife crisis thing is real, y’all. but I’m not in crisis. I am in midlife, but I’m not in crisis. But it’s not even a midlife awakening. I already had one of those. I don’t have words for it yet. I’m clear on my focus for my sacred service in 2026, which feels just right.
Serving women in the Stardust Lineage to develop their intuitive gifts and their spiritual transmissions. The same thing that my mother’s taught me to do, I do with you through painting and poetry and prayer. This is the Path of Mystics. Together, we will overcome 10,000 years of dominant, internalized, intergenerational programming. That happens to be my specialty.
The truth is that the external circumstances that created where we are, that’s one thing. Colonization, extractive capitalism, brutality, land theft. You know it. You’re seeing it. It’s all coming to an ugly head. Yet it’s the internal domination that is insidiously impacting our decisions, our actions, our identity, and our relationships. It’s an interiority.
That’s what my editor said about my fiction writing recently. So much interiority. These inner domination patterns are the ones I work on year after year. These are the kinds of things that the dominant paradigm does not want us to have access to. They don’t want us to know about the nine presences of the promises that I teach.
Pure presence. Curation of consciousness. Access to our voice. embodied sensuality, soul connection, capacity to manifest, fulfilling liberation, chosen identity, and ultimately self-initiation and community that further us. (We just completed the path of nine promises called Stardust Bones on the Solstice, and the impacts are reverberating throughout my life and the lives of over a hundred other women.)
We went through these promises only to discover these are the very things that we are being kept from and recovering from by the dominant paradigms. And promise 10, that’s the one you make to yourself.
Anyone who has led groups and private sessions knows that our personal life just goes on. It isn’t even a compromise. We’re just humans having our own experience while we’re offering our gift on the altar of creation. We do this every day, people. So don’t expect those bringing the truth down like a hammer not to have any interpersonal breakdowns. It actually makes the work better. Don’t put us on pedestals. Gather with us in circles.
So today, for me, there’s light coming through old wounds. Scars long healed are receiving some new light. And the fresher ones are getting some exposure and they’re smarting. But these scars and these fresher wounds, they are not cracks. These scars are doorways. But wait!
When we can pause and see the doorway the scar is offering and not walk through it, that’s wisdom, in situ, seated wisdom. Not making a decision from fear and pain, even though you see that it’s familiar and even attractive.
Stop with me at the threshold of the pain and pause and remember that you are at cause and I am at cause and we together cause creation, co-creation.
Remember that there are other portals available. They may not have materialized just yet so that you can see them and name them. We may not recognize them as they form themselves around our refined intelligences and somatic awarenesses and mystical learnings and leanings and intuitive promptings.
The scar is the obvious door, but it is not the only door.
Dear One, however you honor the waxing and waning of the light of the moon and the return of the sun or decrease of sunlight in your life, in your home and your mountains, your rivers and your valleys and your seas and your neighborhoods and at the feast tables that you gather at, I’m sending love humming along the threads of creation. We are all woven by our mother.
I come from a matriarchal tribe, a tribe that was in person on the land in ceremony. Yet where I am now, even though I do ceremony in person in Sonoma with a powerful tribe, the most of who I serve is the quantum tribe. And I am humbled by this opportunity to truly serve cosmic earth star beings in the virtual spaces.
Yet today I acknowledge my loneliness that I feel without my mother’s arms around me.
But once again, loneliness isn’t quite the word. Just like crisis isn’t quite the word. Just like wound isn’t quite the word. Just like the doorway of the scar isn’t quite the way to go. This is not a breakdown. But it’s not a breakthrough either. The only language I have for it is it’s written in my mother tongues.
My mother tongue was silenced by generations of colonization and conquest. So I stand at the threshold of choice, pausing in the presence of my mother’s wisdom and lineage. I request access to my mother tongue. The little mermaid has her tongue cut out for love, and she walks on swords and she doesn’t get the one she wanted.
We won’t be doing that. Those myths are over, yet the new ones are waiting to be written. Let’s write them and paint them together.
May my truest, deepest, oldest, and most future-forward mother tongue emerge.
May my heart be undefended while vigilant in honoring what is right and true for me.
May any of you who are experiencing this message find a little sliver of something you were looking for.
Maybe it’s a silver lining. a shining stone on the path, a glimmer from your own wound winking in the light of day, or perhaps a feeling of companionship because you identify in some way with something I’ve shared.
You are not alone. I am not alone, even when we feel lonely. We are in this together and we must remember this. These days, filled with grief and grace, shape us.
Shiloh Sophia
Stardust Lineage
P.S. My mother was also very fierce and a fighter and easy to anger.
When I was little, I used to wonder why she had to fight so hard. But I’ve had experiences lately where I understood she had to fight. She held a different level of truth. It wasn’t about defending her honor or making a point or being right. She was standing for something more gorgeous, more nuanced, and more intricately involved about being in love with being a human at this time. She was fighting because she held a truth and she wanted others to hold it with her. Mom. Mama. Mommy. Mommy. I finally understand what all the fighting was about. Whether it was worth it in the end, I have no idea.
But I, at least I understand it now. I know what you were fighting for.
Much love everyone.
Grateful for these babies, children of Michelle Dench - our local Sonoma Cura Circle.
